MIND IMAGES

oversleeping

2007-05-17T21:32:00.000-05:00

so I have been oversleeping lately, I have three alarms that go off to arouse me from my deep slumber and the last one I depend on. so Ive been constantly waking up late!! this past few weeks. so i say OK, i guess ill go to bed earlier. nope. not working.
so all this time Ive been thinking I'm sleeping thru the alarm and pressing snooze when really i have the dang thing set an hour later than I had it set for originally!!!! a simple little thing. oh well, lets see how resetting it helps...

Update

2007-05-17T20:21:00.001-05:00

Prayers for Tim got there! But it is not over yet.

Thank you for all who have been praying and lifting Him up. Your bruised knees do not go unnoticed. God shall bless you for standing in the front lines.

Teaching

2007-05-17T20:10:00.000-05:00

Teaching is what I do. I love it. I love delivering the life changing experience for members. I love seeing their lives changing and see their bodies morph into great health. I have an awesome group of regulars, who just inspire me beyond my imagination. I can say that i have been able to extend myself to where God wants me to be and its so awesome. It is so fullfilling to be able to make a difference in another persons life. And even when they cant find the words, you can see it in their face, they appreciate you and thank you for being there for them.

On that note: Had a ROCKIN' class this evening! I was only subbing but I do my combat class and it will change your life if you let it. Im praying that it will be on the schedule full force come september in four spots!! Or two with two attack spots! Please pray with me...even though you may not grasp what Im saying!

This is my passion, this is what God designed me to do. I love a challenge, I will not give up.

I WILL bite off more than I can chew...Ill just chew damn hard!

speachless...

2007-05-15T20:38:00.000-05:00

almost breathless...
Havent heard from you all day. I dont know where you are baby so I ask God to protect you with His mighty hands and all the power He has. I send you his angels to cover you with a shield of safety and love.
I miss you.
I love you.
Be safe. Stay strong.

From Afar

2007-05-14T19:33:00.000-05:00

Even from afar my husband can make me feel like I am the only woman in the world. I received a gift today for Mothers Day that he sent from across the world. This man is truely amazing and blesses my heart with his love for me.

Yesterday I was broken, today I feel loved, special and adored.

I also got a call from a dear friend while I was shopping, who is so spectacular. I pray that God will bless her in her healing journey and be set free from all bondage and fears. She really has the heart of a humble servant.

searching

2007-05-08T21:59:00.000-05:00

I don’t need the compass to find you....your heart beat would lead my way.
I don’t need the sun to find you... your smile would light my way.
I don’t need the ocean to find you...my tears would wash my way.
I don’t need the wind to find you...your voice would whisper my way.
I don’t need the moon to find you....your eyes would shine my way.
But, if I never find my way....my soul would find its way...
...I have found.....something in your eyes that makes me want to lose myself,
makes me want to find myself and stay there for the rest of my life
Ive found something in your touch makes me finally come alive
...something in your voice makes all of my troubles fade,
tells me that I'm good enough,
tells me that I've done enough
and I can finally rest....

arg!!

2007-05-07T15:43:00.000-05:00

my pinky and knuckle are fractured!! this sucks...thank God though, it could be way worse.

oh little pinky...

2007-05-07T13:26:00.000-05:00

pinky finger that is. so Im waiting on the dr to call me back. went for xray today because they said its probably fractured...the pinky is the smallest finger and I will appreciate it even more when i can use it, Had no idea an injured finger can have an effect on what you do!!! gosh!

so far so good

2007-05-06T20:01:00.000-05:00

So I am putting in my first floating floor by myself and Im doing a good job so far. All I have left is to get peices cut and place them on the sides and front and then wallah! done! Ive put the chairs in the sunroom and it looks good, need a small circle rug (tims idea..thanks babe) and curtains. This is going to be a great retreat area for Tim and I when he gets back, but for now, Ill take time to use it.

Next task is the lawn and bathroom. Then just simply paying off Tims car. This weekend was a good busy one. I did wack myself with the hammer once, got a blood blister and hurts. Also hurt my pinky finger trying to catch a football. Its swollen and turning purple underneath.

Kids had a super weekend! They love hanging with their buddies. Back to the week routine tomorrow. ot to talk to Tim for a long time today on chat, was wonderful.

Cinco de Mayo

2007-05-06T01:25:00.000-05:00

No I had no margharita!! Ill wait for Tim for that. But had a fun dandy old time getting dresses and trying to find a suit for Timothy for Kens wedding. Then had some real FUN at Lehuas, hanging with my girls! laughing and playing different games. Was some fun times. Cant wait to hang with Tim for a change when he gets back. Im going to have party after party for a while here.
my legs are sore, so sore that they feel like they arent there. Im talking to Tim on google talk. Listening to the rain. Fingers are floating. Eyes drooping. Just went to a zone. I like the colors orange...and green but blue is still my favorite. I like red and yellow too. I like colors.

what was that thingy i needed??

2007-05-04T20:00:00.000-05:00

Oh yeah its the most important thing needed to put the flooring in!! that little tapper thing. crap! and here i was all on a roll, couldve had the floor done tonight...this bothers me a lot. So now I wait until tomorrow. Its most likely in my best interest that i forgot that thing anyhow, I may have stayed dup too late and woke up way to sore to do cycle.

Have cycling workshop in the am then possibly doing softball...bethany says I should play, I have to get my kids anyhow, well see how much energy I have left by then. Ive got to try to finish so i can hang with my gym rat girls in the eve. ahh...I just let it go, the floor that is. Im really wanting to get this done, not only so I can finish but I dont deal well with clutter and if you can see my kitchen table....everything from the sunroom is on it. Ive got Tims chairs in the living room, so Im breaking one in. My sore tired body is liking this chair. Im taking sunday and monday off from the gym...at least sunday, yeah just sunday.

yup sat for five minutes starring into no where land. zoning out slowly. its so peaceful here right now, kids are reading, playing and laughing. I guess Ill see what tomorrow brings.

2007-05-03T21:11:00.000-05:00

my honey. i miss kisses from you so much! i love you!

struggling

2007-05-03T19:03:00.000-05:00

today has been the most challenging emotional day ever so far, I imagine it could be worse. I cant figure it out, its an unsettling feeling and I feel i can break down and cry at any moment. Practically did when I was teaching this evening...not a somber class either, upbeat ab attack class, but for warm up and push ups I played that song Keep Holding on by Avril Lavigne (sp??). Anyhow, I fell torn inside but dont know why or about what? Im also struggling with how to be a good role model and leader. I just set such high expectations for myself and even if Im close but not quite there, I can feel it. I really am doing very well in life...spiritually, mentally, physically and emotionally so Im not quite sure why I feel so strange today. i can tell you that it all started when I read my email, my honey says do a search on such and such, looks like we just left right before the bad stuff started. I worry. but not too much. Its hard not knowing anything, thats just the nature of Tims job. But I know he is safe where he is now, sleeping in his bed. Ill be happier when he calls me when he wakes up...which is my bedtime.

The kids are going stir crazy in this rain!! But they enjoy looking outside...we have some baby bunnies in the backyard that came out of no where to eat my grass that I have cut in forever.

Tims special chair comes tomorrow...of course I had to get a matching one for me too...GOSH. The sunroom is looking pretty sweet if I may say. Awesome dual ceiling fan....clean paint lines...carpet coming off next week! hoorayyy. Well, ive got to keep busy with something and work, working out and redecorating are the things that are it! Oh I am working on a dance for next saturday, going to get a dress, found one but was sure i can get something better and more wearable for another occasion. i hate doing life without Tim.

sunshine in the midst of rain

2007-05-03T11:52:00.000-05:00

so its raining. rained real hard yesterday. now today again, not too bad cause i had some sunshine in the dark yoga room. I had class this morning and after class i had a gentleman come up to me after class. now let me give you some background info, hes an older fellow, very much a gentleman, in shape, had a lung removed recently due to cancer. He came back to the gym soon after and has been doing so awesome. So no excuses, if this man can do it, so can you!! Anyhow, the music this time around as usual is very emotional and spiritual and lots of people cry at the end of classes or even during. So this man tells me THANK YOU!! and gave me a big hug for making a difference in his recovery! I am so inspired by people who come in and you see change right before your very eyes. So he went on to tell me he started chemotherapy yesterday! and he still came to class today and did awesome.....too amazing. I absolutely love my job. The look on this mans face was very special to me, I saw something bright in his eyes today, like what I did has an effect on his life. Super sweet. Yes I got a little choked up, sensitive morning and all, missing Tim lots.

Touch ups

2007-04-30T19:12:00.001-05:00

FINITO!! Whoa!

He...

2007-04-30T16:09:00.000-05:00

Is always listening....watching ...waiting...pursuing...loving.

FOUR layers.....

2007-04-30T15:58:00.000-05:00

...of paint later....Im not smiling, yet Im happy its done. Still have touch ups but the doors and beam are DONE!! For those who have painted with me you know how much I despise it, yet you would appreciate the room as I do. This time around I was home alone and had some oh so wonderful moments to think and talk to the best painter of all time.

I dont ever want to paint dark trim again! So ive got to scrape the paint from the windows and finish touch ups. Ive got a new cool double ceiling fan for the sunroom. Then attack the carpet cause the cork floors come in next week. My honeys chair will be here this week! Ahhh...a sweet place for Tim and I to relax and chill.
Next up...the bathroom walls! YIPPIE! more painting!

This...BIG light of HIS...

2007-04-30T08:11:00.000-05:00

Im gonna let it shine! Yup, that would be the hge ball of fire called the sun in the sky. Im letting it shine on through. Ive been in the process of cutting some large trees down from the backyard and WOW what a difference. I love to sit in the sun, maybe because I get that warm fuzzy feeling, or maybe because sunlight has proven to help with depression and other diseases. Basically sunshine makes you happy! Just being able to look at the sun shining on the porch and grass in the backyard makes me smile...cant go back there as they are not done yet and I dont want to get hurt by a falling tree trunk.

I can actually see the sky from the porch now...so amazing. And yes, i am killing trees, but learning as well, the ones i cut down were rotting from the inside out so its safer for the family. And I went out there the other day and looked at the tree stump, so amazing how God took the time to create such a thing. Theres a story inside everything, even trees.

Which presses me to say one more thing, everything we do say and think has an effect on someone or something, its all a never ending circle. I pray for harmony and I pray for those suffering and in need, because like the trees that were suffering we may not see the need until just in the knick of time. Always be aware and full of love.

Spring happenings

2007-04-23T13:44:00.000-05:00

We had our launch on saturday and it was awesome. Members were so excited to hear the new music and see what the new moves are. And to top it off they were excited about prizes which was grand because it markets the classes. We are gearing up for the quarterly to be held at our facility this summer and I am super excited. There have just been so many opportunities for me to learn and excel in what i do best. I absolutely love being a motivator and someone who inspires others to reach their goals.

I just got back from the kids awards at school and they are such awesome kids. They have had such a great year in school it amazes me how much they can bear. This year was a tough year for everyone with Tim being gone and I am extremely proud of them for being able to stick it out through the hard times.

Im looking forward to a summer family vacation, somewhere HOT and LAZY. I dont want to do anything but sit on the beach under an umbrella and watch the ocean. sweet stuff. ok possibly some hiking, but that would mean we go to a lake like in Colorado! whoohoo.

So our dog is weird. Got a call from the vet today she says she talked to another vet and she had mentioned to me before that the dog may have some anxiety problems because he doesnt like to be alone!! HOLY DOGS! There is no way i am going to go get mental medication for the dog. Come on, really? This is amazing. I love the dog but gosh.

So it is HOT here. awesome. I wish i wasnt home today cleaning the kitchen and doing finances. Today was a perfect beach day. Time to break out the vaccume for all the sand thats going to get in the car....maybe ill drive tims car to the beach...LOL. just kidding babe!

happy busy bee

2007-04-19T16:49:00.000-05:00

i feel like the busy bee here. its a good happy busy. ive been taking care of things i normally wouldnt...like lawn care and home improvement peeps...you know all the things the man does. But i think i may be getting the hang of how to run this place. ive got the finances under control and have managed to pay off a few things and plan out paying off tims car. sweet! im learning the ins and outs of everything from taxes to car reg and title and grass and trees.

Kids are awesome, making great strides at school. michaela got third place in chemistry for her science fair....with a grade of 100%...whooohooooo!!! Hannah just walks around and lets you know shes being good. Timothy has been on the honor roll all year and hes really doing very well. They have all made some great friends this year that are very supportive and always there looking for them, you know those friends who just adore you no matter what, its a great thing for the kids to have friends like that during this time especially. Its also good because the kids can be role models and show love and give of themselves. Mee toooo, I have made some awesome friends who are just beyond awesome.

Im doing very well, climbing the spiritual ladder daily. hanging on, finding peace and restoration. Ive also been keeping purposefully busy at work so i can keep my mind occupied. Besides, i have seen so many peoples lives change right before my very eyes, its an awesome thing to see someones face light up. It seems like i went to the quarterly eons ago, we are gearing up for our launch at the gym this saturday and its going to be so much fun, but lots of hard work. Im attending a workshop sunday to gain some insight and knowledge on a few things. it is so awesome to work with such an inspiring bunch of women, and have a bunch in your classes!

Tim is in Madagascar now with the lemurs. Apparently they arent talking to Tim. Its really sucky to be apart from each other but its also a relationship builder. Ive been able to grow more dependent on God and Ive learned a large amount about humility and keeping yourself whole and pure. Its sweet as locust honey (its a light honey....sweet, but not sickening sweet...very smooth). Lets see......Im really praying for nerves to relax so I can get enough courage to fly out to see Tim. I hate flying cause i get sick.

ahhh, next week will be relaxing. oh i almost forgot! my girlfriend brought me to sushi lunch! I ate raw fish for the first time!!! it was tuna, not bad at all. the place we went to was awesome.
and SUMMER IS COMING!! hooray for the SUNNY WEATHER!! I love the beach!

QUARTERLY!

2007-03-02T13:59:00.000-05:00

Its that time again, Im gearing up for another LM quarterly! I love learning and working hard at what i do. i am so excited about the weekend. Im headed to MD and tomorrow Ill be working out all day! I LOVE getting new releases and being motivated to inspire others.

Im also excited as Tim is going to be with me and then we are heading to a ski vacation! whoohoo! Hopefully I wont break myself. Tim is leaving again in a few weeks back to Africa. lovely.

busy

2007-03-01T22:17:00.000-05:00

im just realizing how busy my day is tomorrow, i have a zillion things to do and i have not even gotten half of things ready! oh Lord, make the day go by with ease.

slipping through the loop? or moving upward?

2007-03-01T21:08:00.000-05:00

sometimes I feel as though i am missing out on something but at the same time I feel a big pull into something so refreshing (to the soul). Its almost as if I were drowning I would end up in a great wonderous land like Atlantis a hidden undersea wonderworld. Did you see that kid movie? They are in a place full of harmony and happiness. awesome. But in order to get there you have to be completely submerged so deep, probably lots of pressure. Well worth it to move on in life to something bigger than yourself.

Restoration

2007-02-26T10:24:00.000-05:00

I came across this little poem today in my search for restoration and new growth. How sweet are the words that run so true, we can all have the success and naturalness of the full Christian life as we let this parable enter into our hearts. If HE is the Vine and I am the branches then I must carry responsibility as well in how healthy I am as a branch.

ONLY A BRANCH

"I am the vine, ye are the branches."--John 15:5

"Tis only a little Branch,
A thing so fragile and weak,
But that little Branch hath a message true
To give, could it only speak.

"I'm only a little Branch,
I live by a life not mine,
For the sap that flows through my tendrils small
Is the life-blood of the Vine.

"No power indeed have I
The fruit of myself to bear,
But since I'm part of the living Vine,
Its fruitfulness I share.

"Dost thou ask how I abide?
How this life I can maintain?--
I am bound to the Vine by life's strong band,
And I only need remain.

"Where first my life was given,
In the spot where I am set,
Upborne and upheld as the days go by,
By the stem which bears me yet.

"I fear not the days to come,
I dwell not upon the past,
As moment by moment I draw a life,
Which for evermore shall last.

"I bask in the sun's bright beams,
Which with sweetness fills my fruit,
Yet I own not the clusters hanging there,
For they all come from the root."

A life which is not my own,
But another's life in me:
This, this is the message the Branch would speak,
A message to thee and me.

Oh, struggle not to "abide,"
Nor labor to "bring forth fruit,"
But let Jesus unite thee to Himself,
As the Vine Branch to the root.

So simple, so deep, so strong
That union with Him shall be:
His life shall forever replace thine own,
And His love shall flow through thee.

For His Spirit's fruit is love,
And love shall thy life become,
And for evermore on His heart of love
Thy spirit shall have her home.

~Freda Hanbury

Freedom!

2007-02-13T07:48:00.000-05:00

Go on and get yourself some....Christ gives is out for free!

5K Family Time

2007-02-10T19:30:00.000-05:00

The kids and I got an early start today. Waking up, eating a good breakfast, getting bundled and in our running shoes and headed to a 5K Race. It was so much fun. The kids were all too excited and I had so much fun doing it with them. The kids all won awards; Michaela and Timothy second place for their age and Hannah got third place. Hannah and Timothy also got awards for being the youngest male and female in the race. Yippie! They were so happy to go through the finish line, Michaela was practically jumping into next year to do it again. It was very cool as my friend from the gym was the coordinator for the race and made Hannah feel very special for being the youngest runner and she had her pick the tickets for the door prizes.
SO, Amazingly enough no one took a nap after! It felt so good to accomplish such a feat with the kids. I know that doesnt seem like a lot of miles but when your legs are shorter it takes a little longer. But they actually ran/jogged almost all of it. I cant wait to do it again with Tim! It was awesome!

A Good Place

2007-02-09T14:29:00.000-05:00

thats where I am. In a good place. Or most people say...Im in a good spot. I have everything and anything a woman could ask for in a husband and marriage. My kids are fantastic...most of the time you only notice these things when they are with no so fantastically behaved kids but sometimes you get a chance to sneak up on them and catch them being so awesome. I did this yesterday...may do it more often. My home life is incredible because I am fully supported by my husband who loves me and encourages me beyond what I knew. My kids support me in a bunch too. They are actually wanting to do things I am doing. We are spending some great time together learning more and more abot each others quirks. This whole journey has been very insightful and overflowing with areas we all grew in, areas we may not have grown otherwise.

I am confident that God is teaching me and showing me the ways to grow in, along with opening doors to grow together as a family, as a husband and wife and much more. John Bowring said once "A happy family is but an earlier heaven." Sweet! Its weird how Tim and I work, we both have so much love for one another and work daily to bless each other in some way. Its like a little preview of heaven here in our house.

humility

2007-02-09T08:35:00.000-05:00

"I used to think that Gods gifts were on shelves-one above another-and the taller we grow, the easier we can reach them. Now I find that Gods gifts are on shelves-and the lower we stoop, the more we get." F.B. MEYER

Wow, think about that. No really think about it. How many times do we intentionally puff ourselves up or draw attention to the things WE do? Ask yourself, Is your spirit still? Or do you feel the need to move it around jerking about without allowing God to move you.
To be emptier, lowlier, mean, unnoticed and unknown.
And to God a vessel holier, filled with Christ and Christ alone!

Humility is not beating one self up or letting people put you down. Its not low self esteem and not opposite of confidence. Being truely humble we walk with confidence, knowing that we are empty vessels that God wants to work through.

Timeless tip

2007-02-08T20:12:00.000-05:00

Keeping your finances in order is always a good thing. Thanks for teachng me babe!!

Words of Wisdom to live by...

2007-02-08T15:43:00.000-05:00

Character is made by many acts; it may be lost with a single act.

A wise person is hungry for truth, while a fool feeds on trash. Proverbs 15:14

I have devoted much time to listening to God this past two weeks, which in turns opens your ears, eyes and heart to hear, see and feel things that no one else can. God is amazing.

Oh and I love my husband Tim so much. Thanks for working so hard at what you do and for being so supportive and encouraging.

ombudsman

2007-02-01T14:42:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure what the actual definition is but for a military spouse it is someone who is there to call you and bug you with SUPPORT. Its great actually. It is a designated individual who takes the time out of their schedule to make sure you are ok, taken care of, are your needs being met....can i do anything for you....the list goes on and on.

I am so fortunate to have the support of the military while Tim is deployed. Even though I hate talking on the phone, I feel uplifted to know that someone I hardly know cares enough to waste their time to see if Im ok, and they dont rush through the conversation either. It is very relaxed and personal.

A big Thanks to all Ombudsman.

The sweetest day....

2007-01-06T14:28:00.000-05:00

will be monday! because thats when tim comes home.

one week....

2006-12-31T13:15:00.000-05:00

sounds AWESOME!!! Its like sweet music of the heavens to my ears.

only....

2006-12-25T13:04:00.000-05:00

2 WEEKS!!!! YIPPIE!!!
Its almost over...at least for a while.

For my Honey

2006-12-23T20:08:00.000-05:00

I am thinking of you always.

"Do They Know It's Christmas?"

It's Christmastime,

there's no need to be afraid

At Christmastime,

we let in light and we banish shade

And in our world of plenty

we can spread a smile of joy

Throw your arms around the world

at Christmastime

But say a prayer,

Pray for the other ones

At Christmastime it's hard,

but when you're having fun

There's a world outside your window

And it's a world of dread and fear

Where the only water flowing

Is the bitter sting of tears

And the Christmas bells that ring there

are the clanging chimes of doom

Well tonight thank God it's them instead of you

And there won't be snow in Africa this Christmastime

The greatest gift they'll get this year is life

Where nothing ever grows

No rain nor rivers flow

Do they know it's Christmastime at all?

Here's to you

Raise a glass for everyone

Spare a thought this yuletide for the deprived

If the table was turned would you survive

Here's to them

Underneath that burning sun

You ain't gotta feel guilt just selfless

Give a little help to the helpless

Do they know it's Christmastime at all?

Feed the world

Let them know it's Christmastime again -

quote

2006-12-23T13:29:00.000-05:00

church: a place where you encounter nodding aquaintances.

Rescue the perishing; don't hesitate to step in and help. If you say, "Hey, that's none of my business," will that get you off the hook? Someone is watching you closely, you know-Someone not impressed with weak excuses.
Proverbs 24:11-12 (The Message)

19 days...

2006-12-20T14:28:00.000-05:00

...until my man is back in my arms.

where would I be....

2006-12-08T13:27:00.000-05:00

...if I had no one in my life lifting me up. I want to THANK everyone in my life who encourages me because I know they are led by God and they love me. I would be a total screw up, fail at everything and much more disastrous things if I didnt have love and encouragement from friends and family.

But I have those things and I am NOT a screw up, NOT a failure. Some may think that Ive failed at certain things, but let me say this, if I didnt succeed in doing it; does that mean i failed? NO. It simply means that apparently God had other plans for me. I believe HE planned out every step and knew the mistakes I would make before I even made them. I have suceeded in numerous adventures and countless endevours this past few years and have grown immensly. I know I could not have done it without a loving husband, great super kids, fantastic friends and encouraging family (blood )...did I mention my loving husband.

I can say that I've walked miles in my life-time, but really, its almost as if I have been carried through everything so I dont break or bruise. Amazing isnt it? that story of the footprints in the sand...my mothers favorite, is exact.

random thoughts

2006-12-05T22:08:00.000-05:00

Tim is so good to me and he loves me beyond belief.
I have great friends...they love me too...and support me if im ptotic.
God loves me and talks to me.
My kids are so awesome changing daily and full of love...funny too.

The other day I saw a rainbow in the sky, not a curved one, but one that goes up and down, so neat. It was pretty. My girlfriend saw a shooting star tonight as she drove home. The wonders of the world are so immense.

oh too be talked about

2006-11-22T13:29:00.000-05:00

i gues when you are a person of my low and unruley stature you get talked about because people cant figure you out and are so damn intimidated by you that they dont ask you they ask elsewhere and try to come up with their own conclusion rather than asking me.

so here goes, i fucked up beyond belief
now im living my life trying to get back to normalcy
everyone always sees the bad and never the good
because they are always looking for the bad

so i am a little freakish....but i am so normal.
i try to make a conscious effort each day to protect myself against these things of the world that can infect yyou and i do a fine job.

once you screw up you are a screw up for life.
you cant tell me different, its always there looming over your head. may be a good thing

FOUND!!

2006-11-14T16:45:00.000-05:00

YIPPIE!!! I found my shirts!! I am so happy!

lost

2006-11-14T08:27:00.000-05:00

ive gone and lost or misplaced my two BodyCombat shirts that cost me a fortune. I wear them every week and have no clue where they are. THis really sucks because i honestly can not affford to buy another set of teaching shirts right now. Ive just gotten tax bills and im doing painting in the house. Plus i need to pay off the credit card.
Lord please help me find them.

Je meure de faim pour toi

2006-11-06T20:54:00.000-05:00

Tes mains, tes yeux, tes l’evres - SWEET!!!

soreness...

2006-11-04T22:22:00.000-05:00

is setting in, sort of, im amazed at how sore i am not, but im still sore. body pump is hard! my trainer is hard, but very good. SWEET! and COOL! im sorry i cant help myself! LOL I need COFFEE and its after 10. didnt get coffee today because i was running late.

ok seriously this is all i have to say about today! otherthan...SWEEEEEET!

Oh my poor french press

2006-10-31T06:37:00.000-05:00

this is a french press lover nightmare!!!! Theres something wrong witht the screen on my french press...it seems to be no longer french...because its bent. poor thing! and poor me! I am going to have to look for another one! crap!

dear love

2006-10-29T20:03:00.000-05:00

I'm filled with thoughts of you. how you set my life on fire. Your touch remains in my mind like some stunning portrait and touches my heart with excitment, and I'm completely intoxicated with the most splendid feeling. My sweet love, how you tug at my life. Do you feel the same about me? Do you want to love me? Do you hunger for my attention? Please say that tonight we'll see each other in our dreams. My soul and my heart cries out for you. I ache with the fiery passion of sweet and unrelenting fantasies and will get no rest until I can unleash your love. I'll draw fire from your thoughts and passion from your touch.

where are you

2006-10-26T21:09:00.000-05:00

i didnt get to see you today
only a glimpse in my mind
i missed you today
your smile
eyes that sparkle
yup...i missed you
but when i close my eyes
i see your face and feel your touch
ibty...always

puzzle peices

2006-10-25T11:41:00.000-05:00

funny how you cant make a piece fit if it doesnt belong with that puzzle as a whole.

joy is....

2006-10-18T22:39:00.000-05:00

well I came across this saying with a grand sister o mine.
I live in my own little world...But its OK, they know me here.
Plain and simple. think about it. Is where you live really a place where you are known? mmmm....maybe i shall collect my thoughts and regurgitate this one another day?

whats going on?

2006-10-18T09:58:00.000-05:00

well tons. spiders lurking. orkin man comes today. kids school. went to a training event. learned new and exciting things. Had an emotional weekend...and spiritually challenging. I have a great husband and great friends who help me on my journey. I love helping out in Hannahs class, even though the kids cough and sneeze on me! flu season...teach your kids to cover their mouths! or keep them healthy and if they are sick...keep them home. I know not everyone has the luxery of being at home, soem parents have to work. HOLY.....there is a squirrel on my porch again, searching for nuts...he just jumped from the roof! I love animals and its almost D-day!!!! Yippie!!!! The kids wil lbe so excited.

So, coffee roaster is up and going. I love coffee. It was so cool to roast the first batch, thanks to Hale who is the master of all trades. I hope to roast coffee this afternoon to mail to Tim. Hopefully Mike will have his cell on just in case I do something wrong. Im looking forward to the fall. I like to bring the kids apple picking, its so FUN and we get to make apple sauce and apple crisp! yummy!!! fresh apples! I still havent gotten pumpkins though. Im reallly enjoying this time i have with the kids by myself, its been very enriching for me and the kids. Im able to really focus on understanding them and developing relationships with them. Its good to be here for them in this way. Some poeple may find it strange that I dont want to go anywhere but, I know whats best for our family and Tim and I agree that this is best for us. And there are things coming up that people wont understand because we dont live near them, its not that I dont care, its that I do care, I care for the well-being of my children. Wow I just went on a rampage with that one....oh well.

Im picking up pics today, i hope. The kids got pics taken for Tim in their camo's and they are so cute.
thats all. my back hurts, stomach hurts today. need to be well. man what is with this squirrel?? im amazed his legs arent broke, he practically throws himself off the roof onto the porch to get nuts! then jumps off the porch to the ground! and then comes back for more! Amazing. I guess this goes to show, the mother squirrel will go thru hell and by any means to feed and care for her family, even if she gets hurt....me too!!

today!!

2006-10-17T16:18:00.000-05:00

Today my honey called and he is totally the GREATEST man I know!!! I love him for being...Tim. I love him soooooooooooo much. Had a bit of an emotional afternoon.....i hate being in pain physically and emotionally at the same time. it sucks. and usually Tim is here to take care of me...so its different learning to do things on your own and depend on others, which reminds me, I should just call someone! ok. good.

Mike Hale is awesome!, he got the roaster up and running!!! THANK YOU! Now I can roast coffee for my man in Africa! and other stuff too.

freak out session...

2006-10-09T18:37:00.000-05:00

you just missed it, next feak out session ...to be announced!

ATTACK OF THE SPIDERS!!!!

2006-10-09T11:11:00.000-05:00

I HATE BIG SPIDERS!!!!!
the other day i had a black widow on my outside chair...sprayed taht sucker with raid and it died. ok not so bad cause it wasnt that big

so im talking to my sister looking outside at the wonderful trees and i see a LARGE very LARGE SPIDER in the middle of the air on my porch...looking closer i find there is a huge web from the gutter to the porch!!!! dont those spiders get any rest! Now you may be thinking, oh that Alexis, shes exagerating the size...I can reassure you the BODY was about the size of a quarter with LONG legs. Or two big fat blueberries stuck together with legs. This is one of those brown spiders with a funky pattern on its belly and striped legs. No Pest control person has ever been able to tell me what they are, Ive seen numerous ones down here.

So i get my rear out there and try to figure out a way to get this thing without letting it escape death by flip flop. almost lost that darn thing under the chair but after munites of fear and screaming I squashed it! yes, it took a few attemps to actually squash it and probably a few minutes because i was very nervous.
SO minutes later im still getting those disgusting shakes of yuck!
I can deal with ants but Extremely LARGE Spiders... thats another story. There have been lots of spider webs near the gutters lately and Im wondering if its because they are full of leaves? Gutter Cleaning to the Rescue!!! ....no not me!

the days go on

2006-10-03T13:07:00.000-05:00

did you ever feel so lost, yet know exactly where you are?
ever feel invisable, even though people are looking right at you?

but, i had a good day
tired as heck!
cant fall asleep, ive had way too many cups of coffee
waiting for tim to call

running a household is sometimes frustrating
and man am i tired

Long time...new things

2006-09-26T20:55:00.000-05:00

holding up ok here. LOVE talking to Tim on the phone. LOVE getting emails. Dont like being apart, but I have some good peeps taking care of me. I get worried at times, but holding up well. Like today when I walked the kids to school which I hardly ever do, I talked to Timothys teacher and she told me one of the kids in her class had a dad die who was serving in Iraq. This was not something I could bare well, had to hold it all in. Felt so much pain. Imagining what that would be like is just aweful. I hate when people die, even in movies! But, Kids are doing good, miss thier daddy. They got to talk to him today, I just happened to be volunteering at the kids school when he called so I went to the office and had them call the kids down to talk to him, they LOVED it. They were so excited.

I realize how much I really need Tim in my life and how much he helps me emotionally. I am learning again how to have an even deeper dependence on God through all of this. The other times are nothing compared to this and its only just begun.

So here are some funny things Hannah recently said:
When I grow up, I wanna be an adult.
You know mommy, when I get married Im not going to be a Colson.....ok that one made me laugh a lot.

These kids are SO AWESOME! And believe it or not I know they are VERY well behaved and very respectful, even though at times it may not seem so. I love them sooo much.

Ive got fitness classes back up and running. Im having FUN!!

if its not one thing...

2006-09-06T21:36:00.000-05:00

well you know the rest. I tell you this sleep or lack there of is irritating!!! falling asleep sitting to read during the day. cant wake up, cant fall asleep....ARGH!!

great day

2006-09-05T19:47:00.000-05:00

my spirit feels like crying
no clue why
just a feeling of saddness
my heart aches
eyes are tired
i can barely move
i cant think
maybe i should be thinking
an aching sadness grips my soul

First day of school

2006-09-05T15:18:00.000-05:00

Well all kids were very excited to get back to school. They have some great teachers this year and they are very nice. I had lunch with hannah today and that was fun. Shes got a cute little class. Had no clue what do do today, I had nothing planned, to tired to go to the gym.
Kids got home and I had homework! I have a small report to write for Hannahs teacher...its due at the end of the month. LOL. The kids are all worn out and ready to go play at the gym tonight and get a special smoothie treat for being so good!

oh lord

2006-09-03T22:33:00.000-05:00

having a slight anxiety attack.

Holy Cow!!!...

2006-09-03T20:59:00.000-05:00

...I love my Jesus!!!! I love to worship. I love to praise Him in the midst of my low moments. He always lifts me up to a place so sweet!

ok so...

2006-08-29T22:19:00.000-05:00

im a retard! a big one. i was sending out thank yous but what i was pasting was my post! so grand, i like to keep these things low key but apparently my mind was not as focused as i had thought!
so God is great!

nope no way

2006-08-29T21:48:00.000-05:00

tim thinks i may have posted all this junk because i must be drunk....I can reassure you i am no where near it...too bad. Im just very focused and vision is becoming clearer as days go by.

dang!!! i have such a clear mind right now, maybe God has more to say??

PEOPLE!!!!

2006-08-29T21:38:00.000-05:00

We are in a time of deep change. We will move through this change more easily if we are able to see the road upon which we are traveling, our destination and what it is that is in motion. We have much to do together so lets do it together in love and wisdom and joy. It is not hard to see thru the five senses that we have that every action is a cause that has an effect and that every effect has a cause. We see the results of our intentions. We see that rage kills; it takes away breath-the life source- and it spills blood –the carrier of vitality. We see that kindness nurtures. We see and FEEL the effects of a snarl and a smile.

This deeper understanding leads us to another kind of power, a power that loves life in every form that it appears. A power that does not judge what it encounters; a power that perceives meaningfulness and purpose in the smallest details upon earth. This is authentic. When we align our thoughts emotions and actions with the highest authority, we are filled with enthusiasm purpose and meaning. Life is rich and full. We have no thoughts of bitterness here. We are joyously and intimately engaged with our world.

The decisions that we make and actions that we take are the means by which we grow. At each moment we choose the intentions that will shape our growth and experiences and those things which we will focus our attention. These choices affect your growth. And it is so for each person. If you choose unconsciously you will grow unconsciously; if you choose consciously you will grow consciously

Every action thought and feeling is motivated by an intention and that intention is a cause that exists as one with an effect. If we participate in the cause it is not possible to not participate in the effect. In a most profound way we are held responsible for our every action thought and feeling which is to say for our every intention. We ourselves partake of the fruit of our intentions. Therefore it is wise for us to become aware of the many intentions that inform our experience, to sort out which intentions produce which effects and to choose our intentions accordingly, being aware of the effects it will produce.

Now whether an interaction between two souls is healing or not depends on if the person involved can see beyond themselves and that of the other person. This automatically brings forth compassion.
When our actions create discord in another person, we ourselves will feel that discord and experience it ourselves. Our actions should create harmony. We should be living in reverence with a heart attitude. Being aware of yourself and others is something you may think you are doing, but think, are you really aware of where you are in time, what your body is doing, whats going on around you , being able to discern the actions of those around you at the given moment?

I am becoming more aware of everything in the past 8 months. Maybe I needed something traumatic in my life to make it happen, so for me it was different almost as if my life and everything else I believe in depends on it. We must learn to honor even when you feel you are not being honored yourself…that’s a little something called humility. Again something we all think we have, but that attitude is so full of pride. We have got to RELAX and listen to the life that surrounds us, so many things are happening, so many people are finding new growth and others see and think its backsliding or falling away…its not. Embrace the things we see going on. God is a good God…someone reminded me of this recently. And it is so true. So when you look in the mirror what do you see? A person of faith perhaps? Do you see humility? Pride? Growth? DO you see how you may have slacked on knowing what God wants you to know because you are so busy being in denial? Life is growing everywhere around me. I see growth in myself, and a great decline into new growth. I see friends making strides and glowing with love and peace. And I see people who are blind, and those whose eyes have been defrosted and opened wide to Gods presence and awareness. There are so many ways I have been opened to new growth just by being with others, and talking and praying for those who are on the growth journey as well.

I know this is way long but I was in a moment, God speaks, I listen, I should obey more.

Its going to be a.o.k., I know because God surrounds me with his power, light and great mercy. Dang! So, just when you think you may have everything and everyone figured out…stop and look, listen, feel and see God working. I missed it once or twice and found myself in a ditch waiting for God to rescue me, even though I put myself there he saved me…he saved me through my husband at that moment. I have tried crawling back to the same ditch but again God sends rescuers with mercy and grace. And on top of that he sends angels of love and happiness in the form of friends who are really great treasures.

Don’t miss out. I almost did. And dont go thinking you are excluded from this cause you are special because EVERYONE is special and important to my Jesus!!!!! BOO-YAH!!!

sister

2006-08-25T23:04:00.000-05:00

i cherish you dear sister

and you know how much i care

our hearts are bound together (cause i love ya)

by the memories we share

the ups the downs the good the bad (the shit, crap, flowers and coffee)

the laughter and the tears

all have helped to strengthen

our love thoughout the year

when you shine so bright

may your reflection be

a reminder of how special

youll always be to me!!!!!...and jesus!!!

silly girl!

anxiety....emotional stress...scary...

2006-08-24T12:04:00.000-05:00

so yesterday i felt a lot of anxiety. lovely feeling. i hate it. so i go home after spending time with great friends who are pretty much like family to me, i talk to tim on AIM for a while, get tired, go to bed finally at 1am. then I am awakened at 3am by obnoxious knocking on the door, me being the terrified scaredy cat that i am just layed still in bed because it disappeared right after i woke up. So i am in bed with the kids, my heart is frikan racing my chest is hurting so much from anxiety. and for those who have never had the pleasure of experiencing an anxiety attack i can reassure you they are by far scary and terrifying feelings you get in your whole body and you feel like you cant breathe. ok so, i then decided to just call the police, even if i look like an idiot and nothing is out there. they came, they checked, they knocked and made sure i was ok, they said theyd drive around the area an few times thru the night to be safe. Aaahhh, this made me feel a bit better. i didnt fall asleep right away but my anxiety and scary level had gone down a few notches. there are a lot of weird noises at night in our house that Id prefer to sleep thru.
i hate tim being gone, it sucks big time crap. im hoping time will fly by at a fast pace while he is away. he comes home this weekend for a few days and im excited! even though i just saw him. hes my honey!!

and i still hate headaches! they are the worst. i absolutely can not stand vomit and hate vomitting! yuck.

oh sweet Georgia

2006-08-16T19:05:00.000-05:00

Yeah well im here. drive didn't start off well with the kids but all is well.
I am insane (oh you thought I was already there?)
mmm...Well, I could use a grand girls night out after the drive back.
waiting for Tim to get out of school.
kids are calm
im still trying to word my explanation of reality and awareness (i mean that c word that i can not spell) in the brain.
tried to explain to tim and just fumble words.
i look forward to this weekend...and next! ive just got a fun life! with good family and friends around me.
i neeed COFFEE!!!! I just realized i havent had a cup all day!! oh holy coffee.
ok going to the lobby to get some!

OH and today is our 10year anniversary! hooray!

2006-08-12T19:51:00.000-05:00

"May love enter my life and fill my heart and soul. May the magic of love always inspire me to radiate warmth and caring to all those who touch my life."

breathers...

2006-08-12T19:28:00.000-05:00

a little breather. i love fresh air. exercising. my kids. loving peeps who love me. those things are like that fresh clean crisp air you get on the mountain when youre snowboarding. time is flying by. i have this weird feeling tonight. not sure what. not sad. or upset. just there. its like at the moment i have no emotion to express. possibly confusion now at myself because i cant understand a word im thinking. ok then.....on to something else. i miss tim. cant wait to see him this week. thanking the blessed lord i dont have a cycle to work around. this month has been so relaxing and fun for me. but next week will be the best!

so today i worked my muscles (cause theyre so big ya know...lol) holy heck is all i have to say. my girlfriend kicked my rear into high gear this morning. i didnt realize how hard i really worked until i went to walk down the stairs at the gym and my legs were shaking and so numb like jello that i thought i was going to fall. so i quickly held onto the handle and didnt let go till the bottom. i have got to get back into shape. i felt so weak in class today. possibly because i have been practicing for my class so much that ive forgotten i even have muscles. although this could also be due to a slight lack of training for the half marathon. mmm...well ill be sure to catch up quick.

im really needing to practice with a class so hopefully this opportunity arises. i know what im doing but just get caught up in the moments of class (its so darn exciting) and forget there are people there...its funny but only for a second for me. im really good at what i do but i lose focus quick lately, even in yoga, yeah can you believe that...and in that class you have loads of time to think. oh well, just another breath of air.

cant wait for another training opportunity. im looking forward to the future. no matter what.

School is right around the corner!

2006-08-11T15:15:00.000-05:00

Went school supply shopping today...WOW. Im glad things are mostly cheap. Im sure the kids appreciated me going shopping, they love getting new crayons and pencil holders. Hannah was so excited to get her own pile of supplies. Just minor things left to get now and the stores werent busy! Im sure they will be the week before school. Glad its pretty much done for me.

So far....

2006-08-10T16:34:00.000-05:00

Well, Tim has gone away to Georgia for training and having a grand ole time with his weighty outfit and I am adjusting very well. I have had my mother visit for the first time in a few years and my cousin Alexis from Scotland as well! Which was pretty darn cool, especially just listening to her talk....oh could I have a wee cup o tea. Then I had an awesome gathering of friends for my birthday (THANK YOU!!!!)....the Melting Pot is great, plan to stay a while...which is fine as long as you are with a group like I was, having a BLAST! Really liked the Razzberry Martini! Then (the morning after) I went to Connecticut to visit the rest of the crazy family. It was fun stuff. We even got my mom to babysit for 9 kids!!! so my sisters (and their significant others) and I could take Alexis & her husband out....oh it was FUN!

I learned that Scottish people have a high tolerance for alcohol. I also learned the proper way to do a shot... those one cuppers that I havent done for soooo long. Yeah lets just say after the first I said...mmm...that was ok but please dont order me another, oh and what did my wandering eyes did appear but a shiny new glass filled with something WAY worse. I guess Joe thought it was a good idea to order all of us another round! Yes the second was a stinging drink, you know the ones that as soon as they touch your tounge you feel like your mouth is on fire and your throat has gotten stung by a large bee. Yes there was a third but I could not even take more than a sip. Had a great time and in the bathroom was this extraordinary hand dryer, as soon as you put your hands under it your skin practically blew off your bones! So of course I had to take pictures!

I also learned how to relax more! I stayed at my sister-in-law's house and had great times of peace outside in the pool and just sitting there watching the many dragon flies go by....I have never seen so many colors of dragon flies in one spot! Got to swim at night with frogs and watched a lily pad flower open up in the morning in the pond.

Back home now and loving sleeping in my own bed. Hate doing my own laundry. Freinds are GREAT!!! especially when they go out of their way to mow your lawn, check on ya and get your mail! So now Im getting ready to go visit Tim in Georgia next week and then getting kids ready for school and back to teaching for me!

too much sleeping...no sleep...

2006-06-23T16:15:00.000-05:00

ok so have had sleep issues since frikan january. now I am so full of anxiety i cant sleep very much and when i do it isnt restful at all! I have been trying to get back to a normal schedule though...kids...workouts...working...keeping busy...yada yada yada. Its sorta working but with all this waiting on Tims deployment date Im feeling like Im on the brink of an anxiety attack. Used to have them a lot when i was younger and what hell! I hate the feeling. it sucks. My chest is so heavy and pounding, getting nauseated constantly. Of course the nausea thing could be a lingering effect of a sickness i has sunday but no one else seems to have it. So I hope we find out a date soon or a no date this way we arent in limbo.

On another note i hope i get better because Im being afforded the opportunity to go to a special certification training for work (tHaNks TiM). Im really very excited about the whole thing and of course nervous as heck. Its a rigorous and tough weekend training. Have to make sure I can keep up, So this also adds to my lack of sleep. Its pouring rain right now, road is flooding up, leaves falling, thunder....oh yes this is how i feel inside, no really it is raining here.

still learning...

2006-06-09T15:40:00.000-05:00

everyone has an inner circle of intimate friends. then a general and so on. I guess this could be something like Jesus and his disciples?

so

2006-06-07T08:50:00.000-05:00

im learning
everyone is at the realness in their life that they can experience
not everyone can be real
its a scary thing
but freeing
looks can be decieving
real is not mean you have to share al the bad things that are gooing on in your life
just being who you are where you are
you
yourself
who God made you
not who you need to be or want to be
but just you
you are a beautiful creation
everyone is a beautiful creation inside and out
we may never be able to accept those things but it is a desire.
God wants us to be happy with how he has created us

You may not understnd what Im saying. thats ok.

realness and freedom

2006-06-04T19:44:00.000-05:00

“being real is accepting that God is changing me daily”. I agree with this
“Being real for me is that I recognize my "style" has changed, not my realness, but my lifestyle…” I agree with this as well

this is what im trying to say. i get frustrated with people who tend to put on the mask per se when you know thats not who they are, they are hiding. Yes I agree that some people use their mmmm…”realness” as a crutch and that stops them from freedom of self that God intends. I think that acceptance from others of your true self begins a new and different change with your relationship with Christ. its an openness that is unfortunately not widely experienced. Regardless of whats in the past you are who you are and God brings change from within that people tend to manipulate. Sometimes people have changes but the change may not be what they anticipated. But for me, I LOVE who God made me and how he designed every bit of me. and I have changed and left the past in the fire. its refreshing and exilerating. but others try to stunt that because they dont understand freedom in Christ.

I guess deep down Im going down a path of freedom in mind and spirit that doesnt "fit". I could just be frustrated with the way things are opperated around me, but I dont have a solution so i await my counselor to bring me wise words. i feel as though i had a plug and an outlet but when i unplugged or it got knocked out for a second... someone changed the outlet and my plug doesnt fit into that kind anymore so i have to find one that it does..
I am living in a world now where i have an understanding and living out the freedom that God intended for my life. I think I listened to someone talking about this at nite in their front yard, but they explained it WAY better than I could.

oh my aching back

2006-05-31T08:04:00.000-05:00

ok so just when i thought it couldnt get worse...it did. i pulled my back out last night and it hurts like a mother F*****. big time. michelle is coming over to do some work on me, thank God for Michelle!

the big journey

2006-05-30T17:52:00.000-05:00

ok it is seeming that i have a different view on the "journey" we are on. I really have a different outlook on life than others, especially women. I think regardless of your faith, you will have struggles and desires. But why is there so much of the ..........you know what, i am getting frustrated writting so Im gonna stop now and leave you in suspense. I just can not verbalize my thoughts.

what im learning

2006-05-25T09:25:00.000-05:00

self acceptance and awareness (big one).
lots of motivation...like facing changes, choices and many challenges (emotional and physical)
eliminating exuses and negativity.
peace (this seems to happen for a second at a time lately).
pursuing mile markers (literally)
and that sometimes it is so hard to depend on God.
sometimes you need to stop and do nothing to realize where you are with God.
im learning that struggling physically is frikan annoying.

ok ill finish later...got to get physical before i fall asleep!

praise the blessed LORD for POLICE

2006-05-24T14:17:00.000-05:00

all i have to say is that police are great. Im glad they are serving! and they are smart too!

oh whats that smell?

2006-05-24T13:07:00.000-05:00

you know what happens when you forget you were waching towels in the washer....an lovely aroma starts creeping after a few days....smells like...damp something, not a good fresh scent

what causes tiredness

2006-05-24T11:47:00.000-05:00

im wondering why i am so frikan tired.
this medicine isnt helping me to stay awake or even be wakeful.
im finding that i am drinking about 2 cupps of extra strong french press coffee a day to be somewhat awake.
i slept all morning
went to bed at the time i go every night
going to the doc on friday...crapola...i just remembered that
maybe i should just start going back to the damn gym to work out because they have day care there.
right now i feel like...what do i need to be awake for anyways? im not going anywhere, not working, not doing school right now. what the hell?
im going tothe store
then ill try a wog
i wish my brain and physical self would get their act together.

today...

2006-05-23T16:43:00.000-05:00

i dont know how to describe today on here. but im thinking about it. very interesting BS today.

on another note.....cocoa and sugar are not good substitutes for chocolate syrup when putting it in cold coffee...i keep forgetting the syrup at the store.

and then again...

2006-05-22T20:16:00.000-05:00

sometimes all it takes is Tim coming home and looking at me. I know hes thinking im a crazy loon but he loves me, laughs at me and makes me laugh and smile. He has this way of just making all my issues fly out the window as if they dont exist. he can also annoy the crap out of me as well, but thats his personality. Its good to have others around you that make life enjoyable funny and full of sunshine....this morning was one of those funny sunshine filled mornings(thanks HM & STB) and this evening is pretty cool as well....even though im getting tired...and tim thinks im gonna watch a movie later...it is later. oh well.

and then i think of how bad the day couldve been and realize it wasnt so bad, i just dont know how to handle inconsiderate people stress. i mean that in a positive way.

sometimes you can just feel it....

2006-05-22T16:29:00.000-05:00

its in the air when you wake up....looming over you....hovering while you are trying to make the best of your day.....seems like all is going well until.....afternoon time comes around and bites you in the arse. a frikan iritating time getting the kids pics done for dance, oh how lovely they are but what a frustrating experience. i feel like there are people in the....lets say world....who cater to those who are mmmm a figure of importance or people they only like.....sorry when you run a business you should have good work ethics and morals or standards. like everyone is given the same opportunity......I have to vent. what is up with people these days...i do not understand a lot of things around me lately...i am aware that life isnt always dandy but WTF?

..i like...

2006-05-21T20:09:00.000-05:00

my husband
my kids
friends
sunny weather
cookouts
cleanliness
ocean breeze
quiet and loudness
water
boating
learning
watching the kids chase tim...then watch tim get the kids...

there are so many things around me that i like and the things i dont..i make fun of with tim! lol

up before the birds

2006-05-20T06:00:00.000-05:00

this is the earliest i have been up in a while. no birds are chirping, no squirrels playing. I am praying for strength and endurance for this mornings run.

Slept pretty good last night, tim was back! I really missed him, and i sleep like crap while hes gone.

Hopefully the weekend weather is a bit warmer than yesterday. I would love be get some fresh ocean air and relax. Wow. it is really quiet. bless the peeps around me today before the day starts.
Things are moving fast lately. And I can really distinguish Gods voice and mine now, weird, im actually finding direction for things that I have been struggling with.
well summer is coming, beach weather should be consistant soon. i look forward to spending time with the kids. and relaxing....not waking up in the morning. unless of course im going wunning!

napping

2006-05-16T12:20:00.000-05:00

i used to be someone who hates naps. i never liked taking naps because i would wake up even crabbier than i already was. I love naps! for the moments im going thru now, i need naps to give my bidy a break and allow it to re-energize. Im not the energizer bunny, although id like to keep going and going. it doesnt always work that way. i just pray whatever is going on in my body is hurries up and gets healed because even though i like naps...i hate being tired when the sun is shining. i like having energy to do daily tasks.

oh bad people

2006-05-15T19:51:00.000-05:00

just when i thought it couldnt get worse. you may recall in feb we noticed some chrges on our credit card that we did not do...who the heck spends 500 dollars in gas in less than a week? well. apparently i have been a victim of a grand thief. They also took my discover card. two cards that i never ever use. although they did replace my card with another name on it...mmm...I am wondering who in the world couldve been that close to me to take two cards out of my purse. I can only think of one time that i may have left my purse in my car when i was trading it in but this is very uncertain because i can not remember and I am like a frikan hawk with my purse when im out in public. another place it is left unattended is church and my home.

This is f*cking rediculous!!!!! I thought one card was enough but this has got over 1000$ worth of charges mostly gas. I hope to frikan hell this was no one i know or have had over my home. All the charges are local on both cards. I AM SO MAD!!! So now they are doing an investigation and whatever else they do. I would not wish this upon anyone.

PEOPLE WHO DO BAD THINGS TO OTHERS SUCK @SS!!!!

on and off

2006-05-15T11:46:00.000-05:00

sometimes it seems like my brain is on and other times its off. today is an on day, i feel good. theres no heaviness in my head. Im looking forward to things unseen. i really look forward to summer....beach...sand...boating...kids playing outside...nice sunshine. gotta love it. im glad today is going good. Timothy has brag night tonight at school, hes doing a singing thing, these are always funny events.

man its a pretty day out. maybe i should start going to ft monroe and wogging along the water, that would be sweet! mandi is gonna let me borrow her stroller so maybe wednesday itll be nice out so i can do that.

oh coffee...

2006-05-13T10:42:00.000-05:00

tis so sweet the smell of coffee. i love it. i love to smell fresh roasted beans. Tim is working on a space for the roaster now, hes doing a great job. I am tired today, went for a ...mmmm lets call it a stroll, since i felt like an old woman this morning. Its a beautiful day. I think Ill enjoy it! No boat though cause its just too cold for the kiddies.

bad days

2006-05-12T18:46:00.000-05:00

ok so maybe i have been having more bad days than normal, but thats ok, minor setback. as long as i can keep my brain in-tact and feel like i can hold a thought for more than 2 seconds ill be fine. tim is sick, he got sick because i was sick (and didnt bother going to the doc). I hope to be well by next week so I can start mornings back up. I miss the morning peeps. they are so great. bless them.

Im planning this event and its hard. need to roast mega coffee to sell for fundraiser. Itll work out great.

oh....let me tell you my car looks like a bird dropping toilet!! Ill give you a visual, my car is black, the hood it pokadot....white everywhere. Oh my goodness, how can that much crap come out of the birds in one single day!! what the heck are they doing!

aaaaahhhh...a little breather

2006-05-10T12:29:00.000-05:00

i love wednesdays. mainly because i teach a class and its so relaxing for me. But also today i feel yes tired but im gaining energy, i have happiness. I love being loved by my husband. he is so awesome to me even when I have the biggest attitude. you remember that thing you used to do with those black eyed susan flowers....oh he loves me....he loves me not...he loves me...and so on. tim is like that never ending love me petal. I dont know where Id be in my mind of he didnt love me so much.

I feel blessed to have the friends i do have, they have been so uplifting in my times of need and I know they honestly are being themselves....real...thats what is so great, not afraid to be themselves. they reach out to me and are willing to love me even when all i have is an attitude! thanks the blessed Lord for grace and mercy!

All i want is to be happy and relaxed all the time. i know it sounds like a fantasy land, but i believe that we can all experience it. It just takes a while to get there to that point every day.

love, happiness, relaxation.....oh its the spa like life...hot pockets!!!

attack!!!!

2006-05-09T16:29:00.000-05:00

i feel like im under attack. physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually
its very challenging. and i dont like it.

come back brain...where are you?

2006-05-07T12:30:00.000-05:00

i think i lost mine some time ago
not sure where
why it decided to take a break
I have no clue

what am i to do
now that it is long gone
my insides dont even look like my own
im taking a turn
back on the road of irritation and tiredness

i sure hope it subsides because
im not sure i can handle the other side of me
you see, my self ....is not my self
when i feel like this

i hope my brain returns soon
there is so much Id like to do
but without full function of my brain
how can i do that which i feel called?

....brain, get back here you stupid thing
why did you go and leave
there may not be a lot in you
but its just enough for me

silly thing
turn yourself back on
the rest of the body cant function
unless the brain is intact....and well.

praticantes

2006-05-07T12:20:00.000-05:00

fare la cosa giusta....

ok so sleeping didn't ever happen

2006-05-06T13:56:00.000-05:00

never got to sleep, but desperately wanted to. Im just having some frustration moments with the kids mainly because im tired or i have a headache. Im sick of a bunch of things. too bad.

maybe ill just sleep all day

2006-05-04T11:35:00.000-05:00

a drop in the bucket

2006-05-04T11:32:00.000-05:00

a friend of mine posted:
all of this is like a drop in the bucket and not worth anything. why keep up the fight? i am tired of it.

i say:
ME TOO. i feel like its not worth anything. everything i happen to do is wrong, i have no comprehension of appropriateness or the right way to do things. maybe i should just...be.
be and not anything else. because i will never be more than that. and anything i do is crap.
then again, dont take my word for it...im just a peee-on.

angry fire within.

2006-05-03T12:11:00.000-05:00

Knowing what I want so badly...
All that I am,
All that I'll be
Means nothing at all
because i cant do anything with it
sdfzxfg nmgfn I am so f***ing mad right now!!!!!
i am having a frustrating afternoon.
trying to get thru this shit on my own
SUCKS CRAP
it is so frikan hard to deal with emotions that just come from nowhere
especially when they are not recognizable to you
there is a fire of anger iside everyone
and for me there are days when i only need a single touch to torch it up to bring a flame
anger ignites....
My body shivers... oh...but not from cold...
....from the disturbing things im thinking and screaming
...from an expectation of a desire that is growing old.
when something sits in the cooler for too long it begins a process of decay and rot
bacteria grows
you begin to smell an odor
you look and look and finally by the time you have found the thing youve saved its all
gross and disgusting and very unusable
not that i think of myself as rotting or decaying, im actually quite vibrant
but my desires are begining to grow old and become unusable.
its probably just a phase of anger
but at the moment it appears its going to last a while.
i cant seem to get anything done
i think i dont even have the motivation to do anything anymore

so, I lay my head upon my pillow...
kiss me softly.
I want to breathe in the scent of you...
it intoxicates me like wine...
making my senses whirl...
or maybe it is the way your spirit...
softly calms my angry nerves...
making me melt...
yet every nerve is tingling...
with the need of you.
my God, is all I can whisper.

my friends....

2006-05-02T22:15:00.000-05:00

...are awesome...but they dont think so.
...are all beautiful (outside and inside).
...are loved.

stuff....

2006-05-02T21:31:00.000-05:00

i should've went to bed hours ago.
thankfully i am having a sleepover with the kids so i dont freak out tonight.
i always feel like someone is watching me...hopefully its just jesus!
i cant sleep, even though i am tired all the time...
tim says i like to be in control of things...
i think i have come to terms with this...
i have issues, but who doesnt, we are all weird
and everyone thinks everyone else is weird.
i havent had a headache in three days
i got mad today
i thought i was gonna freak out but i didnt (you were waiting for me to say i did)
but i was laughing a lot today because i was mad
very inaapropriate, especially when trying to be cereal....(s.p.) yup watched it again...
i like to laugh
i like to be outside in the nice weather
the sun better start getting sunnyer(is that even a word)
pollen better get blown away...
birds better crap somewhere else besides my car
water needs to be smooth like glass....and a bit warm
so we can go out on the boat
drink and eat
have a grand time
fall off the wake board
yell at tim for speeding
sit on the island and pretend its my yard
...what a feeling.